Building A Relationship
by Steve Rother
It is early Saturday morning and you are on your way out to the barn to see your good friend "Brownie," who you have been waiting all week to ride. Today you are going to one of your favorite trail riding locations, but in the back of your mind you are a bit hesitant. You are just hoping and praying that Brownie has come to like the place as much as you do. On your last trip up that trail he wasn’t too excited. In fact, he wasn’t impressed at all and only wanted to be back home at the barn. As you look over into the paddock, you see your good friend come loping over to the gate to greet you. Wow, hopefully things are going to be off to a great start after all!
You go to get your halter and meet Brownie back at the gate. You slowly enter, put his halter on…and then it happens! You feel the joy of your 1,200 pound friend standing on your foot as he makes an attempt to squeak past you on the way to the gate. At first you are a bit shocked, then a bit threatened, and then finally you start to feel your confidence sliding. You say to yourself: “Maybe Brownie wasn’t so happy to see me? Or maybe he just forgot about me for a brief moment? Or perhaps he is just in a hurry to start his trail ride?” In any case, it feels as if you are losing control of the situation before it even begins.
At this point it is time to make some very important decisions about the relationship between you and your horse. There comes a time in every person’s life when they have to learn to draw an appropriate line between themselves and their horse(s). If this line is drawn carefully, it can set you up for success in the long run. However, if this line is poorly drawn, it can mean the difference between building a partner and losing a friend.
Taking it to the Extreme
When trying to develop a better partnership with your horse, I would like you to be aware of two extremes:
One extreme is the place where there is absolutely no wrong for your horse. Everything is roses, carrots, and belly rubs. If you ask your horse to do something, there is always some form of verbal or bribed coercion involved in the process. This place seems like a great one to be. How could any horse not love this one? I am sure that we would all like this place--at first… The other extreme is the place where everything is forced. Once again coercion steps into the picture, but this time it is in the form of big sticks, chains, and loud verbal tidbits of meaningful banter for your horse.
I want you to notice in these two examples that there is one word in common for both of them: coercion. You might ask: “how can this be?” One form seems so nice, while the other so harsh.
Many people may condone one of these behaviors around their horse, but never condone the other. However, since we are dealing with a horse--and not a human--we should look much closer at both.
The Problem with Coercion
Take two horses that are loaded into two separate trailers, one with a bucket of grain, and the other with several whips. Both horses may eventually load…but in the process of getting in, did they learn anything about the dark steel cage? Or were they distracted, one horse by grain and the other by whips? Both horses have an equal chance of panicking once the door is shut and the wheels are set in motion.
So, though one method may have seemed much kinder, the mental, emotional, and physical stability of the horse are still at risk due to the coercion factor.
Why is coercion such a negative thing in the long run? Typically, coercion lacks some very important pieces that are necessary to the development of a good relationship between you and your horse. Some of these are: leadership, education, and partnership.
I encourage you to find the middle ground between these two extremes. Find the place where you can be kind but not taken advantage of, firm but not feared, and fun but still taken seriously. For a lot of students in my clinics this means stepping it up a little, and for others, taking it back just a notch.
Looking for Leadership
The next time you are at the gate with your horse and there is a question mark in your mind as to where the day might be heading, step up to the plate and be the leader that your horse is looking for. Let him know that sneaking past you (to the gate or his buddies) is not the way to go. Get him to look to you for leadership and support, so that he wants the partnership that you have to offer.
The answers are, once again in the feet…move the feet! Forward, backward, left and right. The feet affect the mind. Go out there and get the job done. Start with the motions, and then make it solid. Find that partnership you have been looking for. Your horse will thank you.
Until next time…ride for fun!
It is early Saturday morning and you are on your way out to the barn to see your good friend "Brownie," who you have been waiting all week to ride. Today you are going to one of your favorite trail riding locations, but in the back of your mind you are a bit hesitant. You are just hoping and praying that Brownie has come to like the place as much as you do. On your last trip up that trail he wasn’t too excited. In fact, he wasn’t impressed at all and only wanted to be back home at the barn. As you look over into the paddock, you see your good friend come loping over to the gate to greet you. Wow, hopefully things are going to be off to a great start after all!
You go to get your halter and meet Brownie back at the gate. You slowly enter, put his halter on…and then it happens! You feel the joy of your 1,200 pound friend standing on your foot as he makes an attempt to squeak past you on the way to the gate. At first you are a bit shocked, then a bit threatened, and then finally you start to feel your confidence sliding. You say to yourself: “Maybe Brownie wasn’t so happy to see me? Or maybe he just forgot about me for a brief moment? Or perhaps he is just in a hurry to start his trail ride?” In any case, it feels as if you are losing control of the situation before it even begins.
At this point it is time to make some very important decisions about the relationship between you and your horse. There comes a time in every person’s life when they have to learn to draw an appropriate line between themselves and their horse(s). If this line is drawn carefully, it can set you up for success in the long run. However, if this line is poorly drawn, it can mean the difference between building a partner and losing a friend.
Taking it to the Extreme
When trying to develop a better partnership with your horse, I would like you to be aware of two extremes:
One extreme is the place where there is absolutely no wrong for your horse. Everything is roses, carrots, and belly rubs. If you ask your horse to do something, there is always some form of verbal or bribed coercion involved in the process. This place seems like a great one to be. How could any horse not love this one? I am sure that we would all like this place--at first… The other extreme is the place where everything is forced. Once again coercion steps into the picture, but this time it is in the form of big sticks, chains, and loud verbal tidbits of meaningful banter for your horse.
I want you to notice in these two examples that there is one word in common for both of them: coercion. You might ask: “how can this be?” One form seems so nice, while the other so harsh.
Many people may condone one of these behaviors around their horse, but never condone the other. However, since we are dealing with a horse--and not a human--we should look much closer at both.
The Problem with Coercion
Take two horses that are loaded into two separate trailers, one with a bucket of grain, and the other with several whips. Both horses may eventually load…but in the process of getting in, did they learn anything about the dark steel cage? Or were they distracted, one horse by grain and the other by whips? Both horses have an equal chance of panicking once the door is shut and the wheels are set in motion.
So, though one method may have seemed much kinder, the mental, emotional, and physical stability of the horse are still at risk due to the coercion factor.
Why is coercion such a negative thing in the long run? Typically, coercion lacks some very important pieces that are necessary to the development of a good relationship between you and your horse. Some of these are: leadership, education, and partnership.
I encourage you to find the middle ground between these two extremes. Find the place where you can be kind but not taken advantage of, firm but not feared, and fun but still taken seriously. For a lot of students in my clinics this means stepping it up a little, and for others, taking it back just a notch.
Looking for Leadership
The next time you are at the gate with your horse and there is a question mark in your mind as to where the day might be heading, step up to the plate and be the leader that your horse is looking for. Let him know that sneaking past you (to the gate or his buddies) is not the way to go. Get him to look to you for leadership and support, so that he wants the partnership that you have to offer.
The answers are, once again in the feet…move the feet! Forward, backward, left and right. The feet affect the mind. Go out there and get the job done. Start with the motions, and then make it solid. Find that partnership you have been looking for. Your horse will thank you.
Until next time…ride for fun!
Labels: April 2008, steve rother, Trainers Corner
posted by NWHS at
1:41 PM
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